Oblivion
by ShadowMelly
Summary: The arrival of a dark individual in someone's life is never welcomed. Would you look deep inside though?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha**

**Warning: This story may be disturbing for more sensitive readers. **

**Chapter 1- Innocence Is Doomed**

There is a certain place.

A place where no one but you can reach.

It can be anything you want.

Mine? I see tall trees of wonder and green painted nature. I hear the hidden birds singing odes to life and the gentle whistling of the wind. I feel the warmth of a setting sun. It disappears beneath the vast mountains to the nothingness my eyes can't see.

I sigh in bliss for one moment more and night will come.

Take me away, silvery darkness!

-Sesshomaru!

I open my eyes calmly. I look around me.

Grey walls.

Two plain beds.

I turn my head. There they are. Just like yesterday. And the day before. And the other.

Metal bars.

Of course, you might be wondering: imprisoned?

Sesshomaru…what have you done?

Heh…they asked that too.

What I did.

I had the unfortunate chance to be caught in a web of hatred and corruption. Those two combined can be the downfall of any. I have learned to deal with what happened to me.

_Take it like a man!_ My father would say.

My father…

He was the one who set me up in the first place. What pains me more is that I was nothing but a child seeking some approval.

I believe I was six years old and my mother had just passed away. A grey day; clouds heavy with rain.

It didn't rain though.

Confused, I had stared at the coffin deep into the dark hole that it was supposed to rest in for all eternity. Father stayed, looking at the horizon. He didn't say a word since we got at the cemetery. He would steal a few glances at me, probably to make sure I was still there but that was it.

I didn't blame him.

Maybe he had loved her beyond the bearable. She didn't have to leave us like this.

Her last words to me had been: _Be a good boy and don't give your father trouble._

Her last words to him had been: _See you at dinner. Have a good day, love._

A hard working woman. It was my father's day off but she needed to work.

Who would have thought that it would be her end?

Father never spent much time with me. I believe that if it weren't for his days off I wouldn't notice that I had a father.

Sad and pathetic, I know. I never really minded it much.

I had mother.

But now…who would sing me a goodnight song? Who would praise my good grades? Who would kiss my wounds?

No one.

And I was right. After that fateful day my father completely ignored my existence. Buried in his work. He would simply nod occasionally when I presented him my perfect and hard earned grades. He would throw me some bandages when I was wounded. He would pass my bedroom without a second thought to collapse in his own bed in exhaustion.

Swallow the tears and bitterness. I endured everything.

Maybe it was time to grow up, I had decided.

…Then she came.

And after her, came _him_.

Like a cyclone, she entered that house to put everything upside down. My father, grumpy and bitter would smile and sometimes even laugh at her silliness and love.

At first, I welcomed her. I swear to you. I did.

She made my father happy.

But there was a little green monster inside me. Just because she made him happy didn't mean that I had the songs back. The praises. The kisses.

I had…nothing at all.

She grew the nerve or perhaps she realized that her husband actually had a son already and tried to talk to me.

I began to dislike her more and more.

My father barged into my room making me scared. But he seemed so happy. I had the hope that he came to have some time with me perhaps.

"_Sesshomaru, you're going to have a little brother!"_

And then just as suddenly as he appeared he had left.

My body was wrecked with violent sobs as I finally let my ugly tears free.

_Mother! I want you back!_

They didn't care. Too buried in their little world of rainbows and gag worthy glee.

Round and big her belly was. He would spend his days off with her and endlessly caressing the being sustaining inside of her.

I wondered if he did the same to my mother.

What choice did I have but lock myself in my room and study? Or do something else.

_Be a good boy and don't give your father trouble._

I was being a good boy, right, mother? I was letting my father be happy.

Yes…I was such a good boy.

The big day came and by the night they returned with a loud, crying, little bundle in their arms.

Father had awaked me so that I could meet my little brother.

Sleepy, I went downstairs and sat beside Izayoi in the couch. I stole a peek and smiled bitterly.

He looked so much like father.

Obsidian hair, light brown eyes and even his features.

Not like me. I had my mother's unique genes.

Silver hair and golden eyes.

I looked up at my father to see his smile gone and replaced by a pained expression. Always. When he looked at me, that is.

Afraid that I had displeased him I mumbled.

"_He is perfect."_

I stood up and went back to my bedroom feeling their eyes on my back the whole time. Izayoi had gazed at my father with a certain doubt for the first time.

Inuyasha.

His name.

I didn't want to hate him. He was but a baby.

Two years.

I watched in the shadows as he grew to be a chubby blob of adorableness. Father and Izayoi would coo and melt when he learned his first steps.

Do you know what made me angry?

I had decided one Sunday afternoon to take a break on my studies and watch some cartoons. Father had gone to work and Izayoi was making lunch.

Inuyasha wobbled on insecure steps towards me and simply stared. After a few minutes I began to feel uncomfortable since no one looked at me for so long. With a sigh I turned off the TV and turned to him.

"_What is it?"_

I had asked. He blinked and this lazy smile spread the lips that opened to say his first words.

"_Brother."_

My eyes widened in shock. Izayoi seemed to have heard it too for she came running from the kitchen, spoon in hand to stare incredulously at her son.

Poor woman hoped her name or father's would be the little trouble's first words.

That made me angry.

What was the problem of me being his first words?

Wasn't I good enough for this family?

Then I asked myself.

_What is wrong with me?_

Inuyasha had the songs. The kisses. The praises. And he gave them sleepless nights and smelly diapers in return.

I have done nothing but tried to make their life as easy as it is in my power. I didn't dare to bother them when they wanted to be alone. I didn't nag them with useless talk. I didn't waste their money by failing in my education.

Without a word and a somber look in my eyes I had excused myself and ignored when Inuyasha started to cry for me.

It took a baby for me to finally snap.

That night…there was thunder in that night.

How adequate for the ruining of my life.

Just a simple dinner, the usual. Izayoi and father were talking about their days. Then she had told him about Inuyasha's first words.

I froze when father dropped his fork and the clinging impact echoed in my ears. My head was pounding.

I raised my eyes to his shocked face. It wouldn't hurt that much if he were shocked because I never actually spent much time with Inuyasha but because Inuyasha acknowledged me at all.

He was a baby and he knew who I was.

I took a deep breath and decided that it would be the day that I had some words with this ridiculous game.

"_What's so shocking, father?"_

He actually jumped in fright when he heard my voice. When was the last time I talked with him?

He said nothing and Izayoi seemed nervous.

Oh, ignore me more.

I stood up from my seat and slammed my hands on the table, teary eyed. I couldn't take this anymore!

"_What have I done to deserve this, father?!"_

We both knew what I was talking about. He stood up too and tried to intimidate me.

"_Sit down, shut your mouth and finish your dinner!"_

Too late. It was too late for that, father. I said the words burning in my heart above all things.

"_It disgusts me how you soil my mother's memory by completely ignoring me!"_

He deemed that outburst worthy of a powerful slap to my cheek.

Izayoi gasped and covered Inuyasha's eyes but it didn't cease his crying.

Father's face was red with rage and his breathing was frantic but his words were low and dangerous.

"_You will shut your mouth this instant, Sesshomaru."_

His last words to me.

I was so angry and since this was my first fit I didn't know when to stop. I only saw the years of emotional agony.

I threw my plate into the floor shattering it to pieces. Father snapped and crossed the table breaking even more to give me a beating.

Izayoi screamed, not noticing that she had uncovered Inuyasha's eyes to cover her own ears.

Inuyasha…my little brother saw everything. My disgrace.

I was suddenly so frightened. Father beat me. Punched me. Kicked me. He didn't seem to stop. My left eye was already darkening and my lip was cut.

Izayoi kept screaming at my father to stop. That he was hurting me.

I only wanted him to stop.

I blindly searched the floor for something until I found a large shard of the plate I had broken.

I just acted on instinct. I grabbed the shard and with an exhausted cry I stabbed my father with it.

In his right eye.

He shrieked in pain and fell back on the table that succumbed under his weight.

But it wasn't enough. He still tried to grab me and attempted to remove the shard at the same time. So I did it for him.

I removed the shard and his blood covered me and those white walls as I stabbed him one, two, three times…

Until his screams were no more.

By then, Izayoi's throat was hoarse with her screaming and Inuyasha was trembling in fear.

I only saw my father's lifeless body staring mockingly at me.

Now that I think about it…that room looked better painted in red.

My tears fell but my face remained stoic of it all.

"_You monster!"_

She screamed. Maybe I was.

Maybe my father saw it.

He didn't have to leave me like this.

She called the police while keeping a cautious eye on me. I didn't move, straddling my father and with a firm grasp on the crime weapon.

I only snapped out of my trance when the loud sound of the police siren reached my ears.

Even the policemen seemed disturbed.

Izayoi cried and clutched her Inuyasha in a death grip.

Poor boy was confused.

He would feed his hatred for me with his mother's words and when he finally realized what happened this night.

As long as he was protected from what I have done.

They looked at me like I was a dangerous psycho that would slit their throats with no second thoughts if they were even remotely near me.

They covered their fear well though.

I let them do with me whatever they wished.

Father was a powerful and influential man. He had some friends who didn't like the fact that his son had gone cuckoo and killed him. So they made sure I stayed away. Even if I was only an eight year old child.

I was dangerous, they said.

They never really noticed the wounds covering my body from my father's ruthless assault.

They never pondered that what I did could be in self defense.

I didn't deny anything though. In my mind I deserved any kind of punishment.

I did kill my own father.

First, they sent me to an asylum. To cure my craziness.

I chuckle at that.

I spent the rest of my childhood locked in a little room with nothing but four walls to keep me company.

I assure you if you weren't crazy when you entered that place you would be anyway.

I had a weekly hour with a psychiatrist. I didn't like him. He would probe at my soul almost as much as his fingers probed at my body.

I never understood why the man had to touch me so much.

I mean, last time I checked a psychiatrist cured the mind not the body.

And he looked at me in a funny way.

When I turned eighteen they deemed there was nothing else they could do and I seemed stable enough.

My father's friends thought it would be better if I spent some years in jail for 'safety measures'.

It's amazing what some money can do.

So now here I am at twenty four years old. They will evaluate me tomorrow and if I pass I can be free.

Of course, in a tight leash.

Actually I'm a bit nervous of being free. It's been so long.

-Hey, Sesshomaru! Are you listening to me?

That's Naraku.

My cellmate.

Tall guy. Has some muscle like me and long dark hair. He has the curious eyes. Brown but with a tint of red in it.

Sometimes I would mock him about it. Saying he was the spawn of Satan or something like that.

He would laugh and call me a hypocrite.

Heh, I wasn't so normal looking either so it was okay.

I didn't bother much in cutting my hair so it sprawled in luscious waves down my back. I never really thought I would look good with long hair but it seems I do.

He got himself caught while robbing a bank with his comrades. The others managed to escape but he wasn't so lucky.

Tough break.

I actually felt a little bad for leaving him here. He was probably my only friend.

I attempted a smile for him.

-I'm sorry, Naraku. I believe I spaced out. Could you repeat yourself?

He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. Then sighed.

-How are you feeling? About this whole being free thing, I mean.

My smile fell.

-I'm anxious. I wonder how much the world has changed.

He sat in my bed by my side.

-Do you ever wonder about…them?

My breath hitched.

-Sometimes.

He sighed again and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

-You should just let it go. It's time for a new beginning don't you think?

I closed my eyes.

-Maybe.

Until then, I would await for my songs, kisses and praises.

* * *

**Author's Note: So…what do you guys think? (about being weird for Inuyasha to have his first words at two years old let's just say he is a late bloomer or had a development problem; he's not mentally retarded though) This story will be dark as you already noticed. The romance won't be the 'lovey dovey' stuff so (I'll warn again) if you have any problem with disturbing themes I suggest you stop reading this fic. **

**This is actually my first time writing this kind of story but I believe it won't be hard. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha**

**Chapter 2- New Beginnings**

Loud banging on metal bars.

What a beautiful way to wake up, don't you think?

You get used to it eventually. I actually found it amusing. There was a guard that liked to taunt us. Call out our wretched and dark souls, dramatically said.

We, humans, are such curious creatures. Our nature may be just one but what differs us from the rest of the animals is that it can spread to numerable paths.

We choose. We think.

Sometimes it is our downfall. Or not.

The world can give me more than this. And I refuse to live based on rules and brain washing devices. The mind is our weapon.

They can't see this. But I can.

Maybe that's why I'm different.

_Am I, mother?_

It's interesting to watch the human react to being in a closed space for years. Some are ever so subtle and others crumble right in their first week.

They scream.

_It wasn't me!_

_Get me out of here!_

_I didn't do anything wrong!_

They make me sick.

Naraku agrees with me too. But it's more because they prevent him from sleep.

Selfish bastard.

Oh, but I love it when they begin to fuck each others. Since I never experienced the sexual act I am immune to those carnal desires. I do feel a certain itch for it but it's so puny that I do not mind it.

Of course, give me a woman and I would gladly prove my virility.

The grunts of pleasure and slightly pained whimpers would echo in the large halls. Naraku would be awake those nights as well. I knew that because I was too.

I liked to watch his reactions to the erotic (to anyone in this state of mind) sounds. His breathing would quicken. Eyes shut tight in a vague attempt to fall asleep. Fists curled…uncurled.

Call me a creep but I like to watch people.

It tells me so much about them.

And since I probably would not have a very good chance to know all kinds personally it is the least I can do.

They don't understand me but I understand them.

I liked to watch them squirm when they looked into my eyes and saw that I knew everything…and they did not.

About me, that is.

Naraku would gaze upon me strangely in the mornings after those nights. Kind of like that psychiatrist in the asylum but much more…sane.

I knew what it meant. Do not judge me as naïve.

I'm just glad my ass remains a virgin.

It made me curious. Naraku was better than all of them. He would think twice before putting his needs before my well being. He actually valued our friendship.

A mad man wouldn't anyway.

In this cage any friend should be welcomed.

Naraku grunted and covered his head with his pillow in an attempt to get some more sleep.

-Get up, you lazy bastards!

No such luck.

I chuckled when he suddenly sat up, threw the sheets aside and grumbled like a child. He glared at me.

-What are you laughing at?

I raised an eyebrow and stretched my limbs lazily.

-You, of course.

He gets up and crosses his arms.

-Well, at least one of us is having fun.

I sighed and got up too.

-Naraku.

-Hum?

-Tell me…what will you do when you get released?

He smirked and none to discretely thrust his hips.

-I will fuck someone that's what I'm going to do.

I shook my head.

-I knew that already. Besides that…what will you do?

He scratched his head and sat on the bed.

-Well…I guess I would like to avoid coming back to this dump…so I will get a job maybe, nag my sister in her house until I get enough money for my own…

He sighed wistfully and I barely repressed a mocking smile.

-Get a woman and a family someday…

He looked at me then and smirked. I frowned and shook my head. My fingers twitched involuntarily.

Naraku was about to say something when the guard opened the cell door. He showed me a pair of handcuffs and I simply extended my arms. Grumbling, the guard cuffed me and pushed me out of the cell. I saw Naraku's lips move as he whispered.

"_Good luck."_

I smiled bitterly and walked away.

* * *

Her tongue poked out to lick sensually red luscious lips. She leaned a little bit more forward so she gave me quite a show of her cleavage. I wrinkled my nose in distaste.

That dress was too short.

I watched bored as the social agent flirted with me obviously. She was so plain. Her curvaceous form and the sinful way she moved could be found by many men as erotic but to me it simply disgusted me. If I wanted a woman like her I could just go to a whorehouse.

She got up from her seat and walked towards me.

_Just get on with it…_

Why was she making such an effort to seduce me? Wasn't I a freak? A monster?

I will never understand women.

Of course, women like her liked to play dangerous. Sometimes I have…thoughts. Things that I shouldn't even be thinking.

Like how beautiful it would be to watch those red lips spill the crimson life force as I slit her throat. I wanted to cut off that tongue and make her swallow it.

I took a deep breath. She kept hovering above me with that notebook of hers.

She was making me angry. And that's something that I don't want. I was here to prove that she couldn't make me angry.

Her high pitched voice hurt my ears.

-Tell me how you feel. Right this moment. What is it that you feel?

Heh…that one was easy. I just had to play the part of the regretful poor guy. I looked at the floor and tried to look pitiful.

-A bit anxious. This is an important time in my life which determines if I can finally make things right for once.

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. The two guards behind me shifted, uncomfortable. I allowed a small smirk to grace my lips.

This was too easy.

She wrote some things on her notebook. Her voice softened but it didn't erase the annoyance.

-Do you truly wish to make amends?

I nodded weakly but inside I was seething. _I _had to make amends?! I do not regret anything. But of course, if I said that they would still deem me as a menace to society.

She kept asking useless questions; constantly abusing on redundancy. I felt like I was talking to a child.

Still, I endured it all. I've been waiting for this moment since that fateful day.

Finally, she closed her notebook and gave me a brief glance.

-Do you have any place to stay? Any family member or friend?

She seemed nervous. She knew of my case.

I huffed. Stupid woman.

-I do.

She calmed a bit and nodded. She wrote something.

-No violent behavior. Answers are well constructed and seemingly truthful…

After stating a various list of what I had improved she smiled.

-Well, Mr. Itanara I believe all seems normal. I shall report that you have passed and will be freed by the afternoon.

She borrowed me a cell phone.

-You have five minutes to call anyone you wish to talk.

I nodded.

I felt this tingling in my stomach as I waited for her to pick up. Soon enough, I heard her voice.

-Hello?

I allowed myself to smile.

-Aunt Kaede, It's me, Sesshomaru.

I heard a quiet gasp.

-What is it, child? I cannot visit you right now, I'm afraid.

-That's not it, aunt. I need a place to stay for the time being.

I heard a bit of shuffling. She was probably shocked. Then she whispered harshly.

-What have ye done, child?! Please don't tell me you escaped. How could you be so careless?! You know that that is going to only aggravate things further!

I almost rolled my eyes.

-No, aunt. I…I am free.

Her rambling stopped. Her tone was hopeful.

-Truly?

-Yes.

-Oh…oh! Dear child, that is wonderful! Ye have passed the evaluation I presume.

I closed my eyes.

-Yes, aunt.

She chuckled a bit.

-Well, my door is open for you, Sesshomaru. But you already know that.

She sounded really happy. I sighed.

-I'll see you later then. Thank you, Kaede.

-Oh, think nothing of it.

With a last farewell I hanged up and returned the cell phone to the social agent. She had a smile that made me gag.

-I'll just need to take care of some papers. The guards will escort you to your cell now.

I looked into her eyes and nodded slowly. Her pupils contracted and she gulped. She stared at me until she could stand it no longer and averted her eyes, leaving awkwardly.

I smirked and followed the guards.

* * *

We sat in silence. Staring at each other; a mutual understanding. I wanted to believe that everything was alright but that would be lying to myself. I know that the past was ought to get me.

Naraku sighed and crossed his arms. He was the one to break my state of thought.

-Stop.

I raised an eyebrow.

-Stop?

The man nodded. My lips tightened, my eyes narrowed.

-No.

He stood up suddenly. He looked angry.

…No, he was irritated. I simply smiled. He paled.

-Sesshomaru, you have to let it go…please.

I stood up too. I opened my mouth to retort but he interrupted me.

-Focus on getting your life back together. I swear to you I WILL beat you up if I ever see you back here again.

I trained my expression to complete aloofness.

-I don't know what you're talking about, fool.

He sighed, frustrated.

-Don't you fuck with me!

I snickered.

-I'm not.

Then I murmured smugly.

-You wish.

His eyes widened and he threw his hands in the air with a frustrated shout.

-I'm not gay, Sesshomaru!

It was so easy to rile him up. He was not stupid but hopelessly gullible. Maybe that was what put him in prison in the first place. As I pondered this, his rant ended and he sat down in his bed with a huff.

At least he was not bugging me with morality anymore.

Time passed quickly. Me and Naraku would engage in small talk once in a while. I knew he was trying to distract himself from the fact that I would be gone today. It seems we grew accustomed to each other. I had to admit I would miss him too.

Funny how being in jail is hard enough for our crimes but our real punishment awaits outside. The sneers, bitter feelings, isolation, stereotypical judgment…

I glanced at my scarred arms. The cuts from all those broken plates remained to torment me. Along with my own shame. It's not that I can't forget it.

I won't forget it. I don't want to.

A guard tapped at the bars and gave me a bag. I accepted it and saw a white t-shirt, jeans and a pair of sneakers. I shrugged and put them on. Since there was no mirror I didn't know if I looked good but I didn't bother. I haven't seen my reflection for god knows how long. Naraku looked at my clothes wistfully and I gave him an awkward pat on his back. He tried to smile reassuringly at me but failed. I knew he was worried. He glanced at my hair and without a word undid his ponytail to give me the elastic. Hesitant, I took it and tied my hair. It didn't bother me that much. Only the overgrown bangs would sometimes tickle my eyes. I smiled at him knowing that I would keep the hair band with me at all times. It was comforting, like my friend would be beside me always.

The cell opened again and the guard made a gesture for me to follow.

So this is it. The end of my restrain. As I gave one last goodbye at Naraku, I could feel the freedom.

It was enticing. A seductress.

But incomplete.

Somehow I felt this feeling of dread like I had just exited my safe haven.

Home. I was going home.

* * *

I ignored their curious stares as I stood in front of the large door. It was not comforting to be in the place where it all started but Aunt Kaede had it well cared.

Just as I raised my hand to ring the bell, the door opened and I saw her eyes shining at me. She sighed and pulled me into a hug. I didn't return it. I simply don't find myself capable of affection.

I do love her though. She was the only one who ever stood up for me. It was a bit weird considering she was my father's sister. She should hate me with a passion. But she didn't. She was the first and only to visit me. Keeping me updated on my brother and such even though I never asked her for it. When I had asked why she was doing this she simply smiled and said that the world was one big masquerade.

I frowned and patted her head. She let me go and I entered my new temporary home.

As much as I adored my aunt, I couldn't wait to get out of here.

I passed through the corridors. She left me to explore and returned to whatever she was doing before.

I saw numerous photos. Mainly of family and some from Kaede's childhood friends. I couldn't help but snicker. She had been adorable as a kid. Standing beside her I noted my father with a goofy expression on his face. He looked to be three or four years old.

I wanted to crush every single picture there and then. But I didn't. This was Aunt Kaede's house now.

Then I saw him. I could see his hair was cut till his shoulders. He looked the spitting image of that god forsaken man!

I grinded my teeth. I felt like I was going insane.

It was like wherever I would go he would be there too. Haunting me.

With monumental self control I headed towards my old bedroom.

It had been changed, of course. No reason to leave any traces of this monstrosity behind.

It was simple and that was enough for me. I collapsed in the soft bed, exhausted. I checked the time and slowly closed my eyes.

Surely a nap wouldn't do me any harm.

Blood. Even in darkness I saw it. I thought it was beautiful, gracious, enchanting.

Yes, I know. I know I'm fucked up.

I know.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thank you for your opinions. It really encourages me to keep this going. **

**Take care! :3**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.**

**Chapter 3- Amongst Sinners**

I turned off the TV as I heard keys jingling soon followed by the massive front door opening. I glanced nonchalantly at my aunt carrying various bags and I stood up to help her.

She smiled at me.

Have I told you how much I love an elder's smile? I have always longed for the approval of the experienced. To see them smile…and at me of all people.

It makes me warm. Warm enough to rejoice.

It is brief as her smile is. But it has been there and I was the cause.

She was not old by all means. Merely in her fifties. She will always be beautiful. And not because of her gentle features and kind eyes. Her soul is pure. She is pure enough to smile at me.

She forgives. She aids.

Father never smiled at me…

I closed my eyes. Now is not the time to reflect on him or my past.

I'm curious. Dangerously so. The world fascinates me or maybe it is so because I never had the chance to explore it in my youth. Being imprisoned for so long gave me the time to wonder what the world would be like.

It's not that special perhaps to those who see it every day, every minute. Since they wake up until they fall asleep.

I stole a glance at the bags and her hand grips mine firmly, tugging for my attention. She had the gaze of a mother even thought she never had children.

I always wondered why such a precious human being was so lonely.

-I bought you some clothes. I hope they are to your liking but if not we can always return them and buy better ones.

I nodded. She didn't need my words. She knew I felt beyond grateful.

She patted my head.

-We'll be going out this evening, child. Is that okay with you?

I couldn't hide my little smile and nodded once again. An almost childlike giddiness welled up inside me. I wanted to go out. See the outside that was deprived from me.

Kaede chuckled.

-Well, go dress up. We'll be going in an hour.

I head to my old bedroom and choose something suitable. It's October and the nights are chilly already so I just opted for a knee length wool black coat, a grey sweater, black trousers and boots.

I brushed my hair and pulled it into a rather messy ponytail; some stray hairs tickled my face along with my overgrown bangs.

Hmm…maybe I should do something about my hair. I shrugged it off and decide to make some time analyzing my bedroom. It still had that old musk that was unbelievable…me. Young, innocent me.

Nostalgia washed over me as I turned and truly smiled in bliss as the empty shelves filled with books of all kinds, the plain bed was covered with the silliest stuffed toys that rivaled anyone's imagination.

I caressed the white wall and could almost _feel_ the neat handwriting that had covered the entire bedroom with my thoughts.

My nails buried in it and my breathing became labored. They…erased my thoughts…

A faint, screeching noise gave me painful goose bumps as I scratched the white painting. I could see a letter…

I knew my small smirk turned into a full teethed grin but I couldn't care less.

How dare they erase my thoughts…!

-S-Sesshomaru…

Her voice was faint through my obsessed haze but I found myself the will to stop. I turned my head slightly to see Aunt Kaede shrink back a bit.

-Are you alright, child?

My lips thinned. I lost control again. I thought I had gotten a grip of it already but the memories from this place haunt me.

If only they hadn't erased my thoughts…

I feel empty. How many times have I scratched the walls in the asylum with that maddening boredom? How I had wished for only a pen…

I have to deal with the fact that this isn't my bedroom anymore. My sanctuary. They turned it into something so…human.

I nodded at my aunt and she sighed faintly. I knew she was dreading the moment when she would have to reach the point of restraining me again. I didn't want that. I had proven myself not even a day ago. I didn't want to come back. Ever.

I walked towards her, hating myself for scaring her even if just for a second. She gave me a trembled smile and extended something out to me. I bit my lip as I saw that scarf. It was grey and long. Very comfortable. A bit feminine but that's my secret.

I can't believe she kept my mother's scarf all this time. I had believed it had been sold or thrown away. I couldn't help but nuzzle it fondly. Her scent was still there. I know it sounds crazy but her scent prevailed.

You have no idea how complete that scarf made me.

Both in my childhood and now, we reunite.

_I feel you, mother…_

I wrapped it around my neck and Aunt Kaede wiped a tear out of the corner of her eye. She had been fond of my mother as well, that I know. She smoothed down the invisible wrinkles on my coat.

-You are such a handsome young man, Sesshomaru. She would be proud.

I resisted the urge to snort. She would never be proud of what I have become. Who would be proud of a mad man as the others put it?

But maybe if she had never died that night would have never happened. I would have found in my heart the will to ignore my father as much as he ignored me. It had always been easy for him to do it. He had countless friends (even if the majority were only interested in his money) and a vast family.

I had mother. My one and only creator.

I fingered the ends of the rapidly warming scarf around my neck. She had been wearing it on the day she died.

It still had a miniscule stain of her blood on it, dark and tragic.

* * *

-Where do you wish to go, child?

I walk closely to my aunt, avoiding the curious stares of the men and lustful sneers of the women. No one dares approach me, of course. I know I am quite intimidating, with my tall height and fit form.

The city is quite entrancing at night. The golden hues of the lights are like millions of fireflies in their nocturnal dance. The chilling wind on my face gives me freedom. I just wish I could take all the horrible noises and smells away. Then it would be perfect.

But it was quite wonderful. There were the pleasant noises and smells too.

The delicious smell of various types of foods coming from the restaurants burned my nostrils pleasantly and the sound of tasteful music being played by street musicians was a treat to my ears. Kaede would glance at me sometimes and chuckle at my reactions to everything around me. I scratched my chin and searched the names of the restaurant for something that appealed to me.

I smirked.

-How about some Indian food?

She hummed, obviously liking the idea.

-Oh, child, I find myself craving some spicy delicacies now that you mention it.

I chuckled quietly and offered her my arm like a true gentleman. She laughed and accepted it.

Gods, the smells made my mouth water. The abundance of spices was enough to put me in a daze.

We sat and searched the menu. Aunt Kaede opted for some chili chicken and I, feeling quite vegetarian, ordered a navratan korma. I remembered the days when my mother would buy me some once in a while. After all this time I wish to taste it again.

After our meals, Aunt Kaede lured me into some conversation even thought she did most of the talking. Soon, she was updating me on my family, on the town and things like that.

Inuyasha, by her words, has grown into a fine young man. He had gotten into some trouble, making his mother stressed many times but all ended up fine in the end. Just a normal teenager creating havoc.

I smirked. Yes, I believe that was my little brother alright. Always the blasted wrecker. He had a girlfriend too, so it seemed. Kaede said they were going steady for some three years already. They had they petty lovers' squabbles as everyone else but aside from that they were two lovebirds.

_**...I envy you…**_

I don't! I'm fine with myself. I promised that I would never question myself. The path I make is my own and it is unpredictable.

After a rather uncomfortable silence; I notice I've been buried in my thoughts for too long. Aunt Kaede pays and we are out once again. Ten p.m. still and so many options. We wandered aimlessly, simply taking in the scents and sights. My aunt would be lured by the colorful storefronts and sometimes pull me with her into the shops. At the beginning it was fun but I began to tire of her womanly obsessions. I understand the need for being presentable but as I look at the exaggerated colors and corny patterns my interest fades. Some people look simply ridiculous. Are they not aware of the sad spectacle they make out of themselves?

Maybe they are and that is their goal.

Pathetic.

A superficial world is tainted and unbearable. Unnatural.

My aunt soon is aware of my irritation and with a few bags on her hands she apologizes for pestering me with petty matters.

I simply take the bags from her and carry them. She frowns, clearly hurt by my indifference. Why should I care?

I'm entirely grateful for her help in my life but I have never asked for it. If she wanted another one of her brain witted friends she should have left me alone.

As we crossed the street, I heard an irritated female voice. Normally, I wouldn't care but…that voice was like a singing nightingale. I frowned as I noted the slight tremor in it. The woman was going to cry if not now then soon. I found myself turn to stare at a fighting couple. Well…the fighting was being done mostly by the woman. The man was holding his hands in a gesture of peace; like calming a beast.

That woman…such a strong spirit but obviously tired. She seemed to be yearning for something. Her fists were clenched and her arguments were repetitive. It was obvious the man would never understand her point of view. Of course, I knew nothing of what they were fighting about. I shouldn't care.

She was nothing special either. Brown hair, brown eyes.

I raised an eyebrow as I saw her throw her purse at him and leaving the stunned man behind. He sighed and walked in the opposite direction.

She had turned around; she was slightly hurt, I could tell. And then she glanced at me. I was caught a bit off guard but held her gaze. Her eyes widened slightly before she quickly turned a corner, disappearing from my sight as quickly as she had appeared.

I frowned and shook my head. Whatever was wrong it was none of my business.

-Quite embarrassing, don't you think child? To fight like that in the middle of the street. You'd think they would save their feuds for their home.

I gave her an inquisitive look and she frowned.

-I don't know how those two are still married. All they seem to do lately is fight.

I shrug my shoulders and sigh. As I had said before, it was none of my business.

Aunt Kaede couldn't help but stop in another shop, giving me an apologetic smile. I nod indifferently and she grins like a child. I put down the bags for a little bit and stretched my arms.

The wind played with my hair.

A shrilling scream pierced the night.

I open my eyes to see a middle aged woman looking at me, her hands covering her mouth. Her eyes were watery.

What was this about?

It is kind of childish for her to react this way after so many years. I thought that she would have changed. Guess one as Izayoi kept a grudge until her very death. She shouldn't have made such a ruckus about it though.

Next to her was a girl with black hair and blue eyes. Quite a lovely face too. The girl was trying her best to calm Izayoi, the poor thing.

Then I saw him. His obsidian hair was cut neatly at the nape of his neck like any other man. His light brown eyes stared at me and me only. They were slightly narrowed in an attempt to intimidate me but I saw the fear there.

No…not fear. Something much more.

He had paled significantly as I smirked. Just a tease.

How many of your nightmares have I been in, Inuyasha?

* * *

**Author's Note: Once again, thank you for the reviews. ^^ **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.**

**Chapter 4- Amongst Sinners II**

People started to gather around. Our kind is curious; meddling. Some gazed upon me warily, others disguised their interest with bored huffs. There were the others who tried to focus on everything but the growing 'problem'.

My gaze went through my little brother. He was an open book, waiting to be devoured. Such innocence was still displayed there. He looked so vulnerable yet so strong.

A barely audible sigh escaped my lips. I had hoped this moment wouldn't come so soon. I had nothing to say to them.

Absolutely nothing…

They left me hollow. They brought unwanted memories.

I never broke eye contact though.

_Let him squirm._

I could see he was battling with himself. Should he insult me? Have a reasonable talk with me? Ignore me?

So many options, right? Inuyasha?

The blue eyed girl beside him was, surprisingly, the one to break the silence. Her voice was small and clearly she didn't want my attention.

-Inuyasha…who is that man?

I chewed on my lips in anticipation. Will you admit that this disgrace of a human being is your flesh and blood?

His eyes narrowed even further and his fists curled, trembling. Then he spat the answer bitterly.

-Nobody. He is nobody, Kagome.

He moved closer to them in an obvious display of protectiveness. The message was clear.

_Stay away from them._

My nervous smile widened; the corners of my mouth lifted slightly to snarl.

Of course, little brother. Whatever you say.

The girl named Kagome gripped his arm tightly and half heartedly dragged him away. He kept staring at me until I finally looked away so he could not see how emotionally exhausted and hurt I really was right now.

I fingered the scarf to busy my twitching fingers. I tried to calm my breathing. It was really at these moments that I hated myself. More than usual, at least.

I looked around. People resumed their happy yapping and compulsive shopping like it had never happened. It didn't comfort me. I needed to get out of here.

I stole a glance at the shop behind me. Why was Aunt Kaede taking so long? Did she witness my encounter with Inuyasha?

It doesn't matter. With a last glance at the bags on the floor I turned and walked away.

* * *

Stop…just stop…get out of my head!

They whisper…uncontrolled, untamed! They judge mercilessly and laugh as I lament. My head pounds and the pain is unbearable. I keep walking without a destination. I just needed to get out of there. My face is the mask that I wear, my gaze is certain and unwavering. People admire me, seduce me…they do not know what lies within. In their eyes they see a fine specimen. Men see a threat and yet they see too just another man with enough potential to become a powerful friend. Women see strength, experience…masculinity. They see a lifelong partner or just an unforgettable fuck. All of them search for a ring on my finger, all of them smirk. I pay them no mind for they simply do not catch my interest. I've been away for so long that I almost forgot how…shallow…people can be.

But who am I to say that? I'm just doing the same as them. I combine them all in a single group and put them away in a dark corner of my mind. People appeal to me and at the same time they don't.

I caressed the ends of my scarf thoughtfully. I feel utterly, miserably alone and yet I can't imagine my life being any different. I try to convince myself that people are worthless or pathetic and undeserving of me but I'm the one who doesn't deserve them. How many times have I pushed them away, hurting them?

I looked around me and my eyes widened slightly. My breathing quickened just barely as I realized that I left my beloved Aunt Kaede too. She was counting on me, she was the only one who dared to help me… she risked her reputation; her standing in the family for me…and I left her. I was selfish again.

I couldn't recognize where I was. It was getting late and the shops were already closing or closed. The streets grew quiet and the happy families, couples or smiling loners walked away taking their lively aura with them. Now it was dark and damp from the moisture in the air. My nose twitched. It was going to rain, if not today then tomorrow. The few occasional hobos prepared what little they had and tried to cover themselves as well as they could for the incoming chilly night.

I spotted a nice dark corner and sat down on the floor. I hugged my knees and snuggled into my long coat. I released my hair so it spread down my back and instantly warmed my neck. I smiled tiredly and somewhat bitterly. This seemed familiar…somehow…

I fell asleep…

*Flashback*

_A little boy sat huddled in a corner of his room. His face was buried in his arms and his silver hair seemed to shield him from whatever he was hiding from. He seemed sad but most of all he was terrified. Small whimpers escaped his lips once in a while. Loud voices echoed in the nearby room making him recoil even more into himself, whishing he could just disappear and never come back. It was all his fault…he shouldn't have…_

_He raised his head tentatively when the voices stopped, leaving a chilling silence. It was tense and he couldn't help but shiver from the cold coming from the stark open window of his bedroom. He looked at his side and saw his favorite stuffed animal: a white dog. It was a bit torn and its front left leg was ripped from his not very careful handling. The boy chewed his lip and looked at the door. His hand inched slowly towards the toy but his beautiful amber eyes never left the door. He let out a tiny smile as he finally felt the soft artificial fur and wasted no time in sheltering the white dog in his warm embrace. He nuzzled it and told himself not to cry anymore for he had his long time friend again. _

_Suddenly, he froze as he heard footsteps inching towards his bedroom and his mind screamed for him to let go of the toy. He couldn't move though and so he just stayed as quiet as possible. The door creaked with the slowness it was being opened and he winced, not wanting to know who it was. _

_His ears twitched then as he caught a sweet and melodic voice humming. The door was closed gently and the person sighed. He still refused to look up but his body instantly relaxed. And then she sang._

_-Happy birthday to you…happy birthday from "Zu"…_

_His breath hitched as he felt the woman kneel in front of him and the delicious aroma of cake filled his nostrils. His head shot up and red lips parted in a delightful grin. Her voice almost whispered and he grinned like only a child could._

_-Happy birthday, my Sesshomaru…_

_He saw a small cupcake with a candle on her hands and he eagerly took it, blew out the candle and devoured it. She chuckled and tucked a similar silver strand behind her ear. Her eyes were filled with mixed emotions but most of all she pitied him. _

_-Look at you ravishing that poor, innocent sweet. Starving, aren't you, dear?_

_The boy immediately stopped eating and blushed in embarrassment. He looked at the cupcake like he was seeing it for the first time and promptly offered her what was left. His expression was shameful as he fumbled with his hands. The woman nodded approvingly and ate it with gusto. She licked her fingers and hummed contented all the while being watched by the conflicted boy. He felt a familiar stirring between his legs and his blush intensified, hoping she would not notice. She finished sucking her pinky and released with an exaggerated 'pop'. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye and smirked at his flushed state. She purposely leaned in and squished her large breasts together and the boy gulped. She tried to look innocent._

_-Was it good, dearest?_

_He frowned cutely and gave a strong nod. He strained to keep his eyes on her face not knowing what was this urge to keep staring at her breasts. He didn't know what these sensations meant but they evocated great embarrassment to him and so he tried to ignore them. She wouldn't let him escape though. She grasped his hand, almost painfully, and brought it towards her breast. She guided one of his fingers to flick a perked nipple through her shirt and her moan made him shiver. _

_Shame…he was shameful…to want her so…_

_Her eyes reflected his own as she slowly unbuttoned her shirt and exposed a white bra to his eyes. A bra he had seen so many times… _

_A lustful stare of hers and he trembled already. He desired her so…_

_She was so beautiful._

_She gave him a tender smile and guided his hand towards the small erection straining in his shorts. He gave her a questioning look and she placed a finger in front of her lips._

_-It'll be our secret. Go on…it is your birthday after all._

_Her white bra fell._

*End Flashback*

I gasped as I woke up. I groaned and supported my pounding head. It was morning and cold yet I was sweating. A salty droplet fell from my aristocratic nose and the simple 'ping' it made against the concrete irritated me to no end. Maybe I had a fever? I felt my temperature but everything seemed normal. I shrugged it off and stood up, my bones and muscles protesting from being in the same position for hours. The streets were already filling with life once again and the hobos were out to try some luck. I felt no shame for sleeping in the street. It's not like I had better than this. This actually feels better. It gives me a sense of freedom. No four walls to imprison me.

I stuck my hands into my coat's pockets and started to walk. Where? I don't know. I just felt like that wasn't the place for me anymore.

I wandered for what felt like hours. I was still wondering about my dream/memory. It felt like a memory. At least, I remembered some of the things that happened long ago. I wished it was real but a little part of me didn't. Was it supposed to be a happy memory?

So deep in my thoughts I was I didn't notice where I was going. The harsh and loud noise of a car horn blasted my ears and instinctively I jumped back and covered my ears as I groaned.

-Dumbass! Are you trying to kill yourself?!

The driver flipped me the bird and drove off. People were staring at me again. Some shook their heads; others laughed while some were extremely pale. I looked ahead and realized I got myself into the heart of the city. My eyes widened as I saw the greatness and how much life it had. There was everything here. Huge buildings that seemed to kiss the sky and I could see a little of a green, enormous park. It all made me nervous but excited at the same time.

I lifted my foot to renew my walk when I was stopped by an exasperated voice.

-Urgh! Stupid car! Work, damn you! Work!

One of my eyebrows arched and I turned around only to see that same woman from yesterday. She was yelling to her car and looking crazy. Yet there was distress on her delicate face. I frowned then. Such a pretty woman who obviously needed help and no one assisted her? Not even a man? Well, that was odd. I don't know why but she drew me in. She was nothing special. But there was something about her…

Before I knew what was happening, I was behind her. I cleared my throat so that she could acknowledge me and she turned slowly.

She was really short. She could barely reach my chest. Or maybe I was just abnormally tall. Her eyes did a quick once over on my body until they reached my face and she blushed lightly. She licked her lips nervously and tucked a strand of her brown hair behind her ear.

My heart bolted at that gesture for some reason. Her rosy lips parted and she spoke.

-Hum…can I help you?

Her voice still had a girlish tone in it. It was jovial and warm. It made me feel welcomed. I couldn't help but smirk.

-I believe I should be asking that question.

Her eyes widened and sparkled. I felt uncomfortable all of a sudden. Why was I doing this exactly? I could just walk off and leave her to her problems like everyone else was doing. I just…

She sighed and clamped her hands together.

-Oh thank god! I just returned from the gym to find out that I forgot to turn off the headlights and now my battery is completely spent! I have to get to work and I'm already late! Please, can you just help me push the car until I get enough impetus to start the engine?

It was then that I noticed how she was dressed. Not really proper for the foggy, cold weather. She was dressed in usual sport clothes, comfortable but tight. They cling to her curves and though her breasts were not large they looked good on that tank top.

My lip curved in disgust for myself. The woman needed help. I simply nodded and she squealed a bit childishly but obviously pleased. She opened the back door and threw her sport's bag in it. She then moved to the driver's seat and buckled her belt. I rolled up my sleeves and positioned myself behind the car. She tried to start the engine just to check and when it didn't work I could see how her shoulders slumped in disappointment through the back window. It was…kind of cute. She then turned around and flashed me a smile along with a thumbs up. I nodded and without hesitation started pushing. It was not really a great effort. The car was small being a green Smart. We had to wait a bit for the traffic to calm down and then we entered the road. People didn't seem fazed and just passed by. Some even laughed. I frowned. Why was I doing this again?

We reached a slight inclination and I started to push harder. The car gained speed and I smiled when I heard a muffled, startled squeaked from inside the car.

I felt something wet drop on my nose. I looked up and closed my eyes as I felt more raindrops hit me. I grinned when it quickly started to rain furiously and in seconds I was completely soaked. The woman giggled and shouted at me to let go when the inclination was starting to go down. I obliged and soon I heard the satisfying 'vrooom' of the car. The woman cheered. I was about to walk off since my work was done when she got out of the car with no regards for the drivers she was obstructing the road for and walked towards me. Soon she was soaked too and she was slightly panting even though it was me who did the pushing. She bit her bottom lip and looked down and something in me cringed. She looked so innocent…just like a child.

-T-Thank you so much!

She looked up and inspected my wet clothes now clinging to my body and blushed.

-I'm sorry you got soaked. You're probably going to get sick or something…

I smirked. Where was she trying to go with this talk? She needed help and I was willing enough to give it to her. Getting wet was merely an inconvenience. I had to assure her anyway.

-It's alright.

She smiled.

-Tell you what…how about I give you a ride to anywhere you want? It's the least I can do.

I raised an eyebrow.

-What about your work?

She huffed.

-I'm already late anyway. Might as well not go today.

I shrugged. Why not? I owed Aunt Kaede an explanation. I nodded and she beamed at me. I got in the car and the smell of strawberries filled my nostrils. It was sickly sweet and screamed the word GIRL. I chose to bear with it.

The ride was spent in peaceful silence and I cherished that. I had thought that the woman would talk nonstop but she was actually pleasant company. She stopped at the street that I told her. I didn't want her to see the house. I don't know why but I just don't.

I mumbled a thanks and was ready to get out.

-Hum… hey…

I turned around with a frown. She seemed to blush a lot.

-I really think you're a nice guy…I wouldn't mind if we saw each other again.

I resisted the urge to snort. A nice guy…if only she knew...

She extended her hand and I looked at it curiously.

-I'm Rin.

Before I knew it, I was shaking her hand.

-Sesshomaru.

She then smiled that smile of hers…

I just couldn't keep my eyes off the wedding ring on her finger and it irritated me for some reason.

* * *

**Author's Note: I'm really sorry for the late update! Introducing Rin! ^^**


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